I wish James would take a look at my blog and my life and just acknowledge my existence. Usually when people say “acknowledge my existence” they mean more than that, but that’s really all that I mean. I just want him to take a look at me and see what I’ve become. I want him to be proud of what he’s turned me into, but I also want him to feel a little bit of sadness for what he did to me.
Not that I’d changed what happened, though. In the long run, it was the right thing and I’m glad that he’s more mature than I in realizing this.
I still wish I had someone to talk to when I’m up at hours like this. It was always him that I went to when I didn’t know where else to turn. Maybe that’s why this year’s been so tough on me. I mean yeah, I have Jessica and I have Hunter but I’m always scared of their reactions, and sometimes I’m scared of their lack of reaction.
I still miss him.
But, you know, it doesn’t matter.
